fall fallen clouds

my life is some kind of waiting.
mix of screams, frightening, absolutely foolishness and, of course, desire of smoking... -
this thing i wrote several years ago at one of my cold springs.
story without ending.
that time i couldn't even thought, what exactly does it means.
four letters. i need only four letters.
i'm waiting all the time just for four fucking letters.
and it doesn't matter, how long would you try to guess, which.
my secret is too silly. but it is really huge and warm.

there was a bush
who loved the sun.
he loved also smoking.
but sun didn't love him. he loved nobody.
rain tried to make bush feel better - bush became wet
clouds tried to make bush feel better too - bush became gray
bugs tried to help bush - so it became naked
sun looked at him, laughed, cried,
and after that sun stopped to pay attention to bush,
sun interested in bush just while it had no powers to live, just while bush called him, standing in the dark gray, wet and naked.
one-moment love. one-moment shit. sun feels nothing.

today morning city disappeared.
after a window there was only big white holy hole.
and i prayed for that whiteness, for her living forever.
we are watching for a place to drink
to have sex
to study
to relax
just to be -
we're always looking for а private corner. to be happy.
i have it.
and what?

party ends. but it'll continue to continue for all day long.
and tomorrow,
and always.
big hat and small head - my soul and my body.
the first thing is so big just because of the seconds thing tiny.
the reason is rather simple - all my creature is trying to explain,
that perfect match is an impossible substance.
away from my bed
away from empty apartment
away from my life
one more time
as usual
and never come back.
hard to believe, how cruel, silly, ill and happy the man can be.